—by popular demand, it’s the Ada-filled finale to Cutting Grass and Class and Cut Glass and Cats—
“Hey girl! How’s my favorite sister today?” Julian’s voice breezed through the entryway as he stepped, uninvited and unannounced, into his sister’s home.
“Uncle Julian!” squealed a voice, and six girls descended upon him and began systematically rifling his pockets.
Julian kept his head above their level with difficulty. “Em, you vagabond, there’s nothing in my hat. Macy, stop untying my shoes! Warthog, hand back my credit card right now.”
“If you don’t start calling me by my right name,” the eldest pouted, “I’ll go buy a… a motorcycle!”
“All right, all right,” Julian cried hastily. “Though there’s not much to choose between Wilhelmina and Warthog. I don’t know what my favorite sister was thinking…”
“Call me Willy, like everyone else,” Wilhelmina retorted, holding the card up threateningly.
“Well, Willy, I will. There! Now where is my favorite sister?! I came to talk to her, not to be torn apart by all my favorite nieces.”
“Your only sister is in the basement,” someone called out. “Come on down.”
Julian dragged himself, and the three girls who were still clinging to him, to the door of his sister’s “sewing room.” He did not advance farther, experience having taught him that if he touched anything in that room he should expect to be pricked, painted, or possibly glued to it forever.
“Ada,” Julian said despairingly, “you gotta do something about these kids. They’re not ladylike at all.”
“They’re very ladylike around gentlemen,” Ada said.
“My tailored suit does not deserve that slighting remark,” Julian huffed.
Ada laughed. “You’ve done it to yourself, Julian. And what’s more, you like it. Now hand over your candy as soon as may be and let us have some peace.”
“They’ve got it all already.” Julian shook off the youngest and turned his pockets inside out. “Run along, girls, you’ve bled me dry. Run along, we’ll have tickle wars when I’m through with your mom.”
“Tickle wars!” Em crowed, and the girls tumbled over each other in their eagerness to announce the news to their sisters who had stayed in the living room and were busy running a brisk trading market with each other for their favorite candies.
Julian grinned delightedly. He leaned on the doorframe and watched as Ada deftly knotted tags to small gift bags.
“Em helped put these together,” Ada said. “She’s such a helpful baby, folds all the socks for me and loves to putter in here. Bella told me the whole multiplication table today, with only four helps from Macy, and last week Willy won a prize for the speech she gave at co-op. Joanna made these cookies.” She gestured toward a platter of round balls. “The chickens laid every one of the eggs in these, so I eat them raw. Do you want one?”
“Certainly not. Raw flour is awful for the digestive system.”
“Really?” Ada popped a ball of dough into her mouth unconcernedly.
“Raw eggs on the other hand,” Julian said authoritatively, “are fuel. Sheer protein. I drink three every day for breakfast.” He flexed an arm that did full justice to three raw eggs a day.
“Please don’t tell Janet. She’s obsessed already. I never imagined any child could eat as much broccoli as she goes through. If you told her that you ate fish eyes to make you strong she’d force me to go out and buy some.”
Julian grinned. “Janet’s a smart kid,” he said complacently. “Pity she’s a girl, else she’d be just like me.”
“She is just like you. She’s always in trouble and heart-rendingly vain.”
“Now I’ll take being heart-rending,” Julian smirked, “but I disagree about always being in trouble. I was never in trouble. I’m too smart and handsome to be in trouble. All I have to do is show up and trouble hides its gruesome head. People were always expecting me to be in trouble. But that’s a very different thing.”
“You always deserved to be in trouble,” Ada rephrased.
“I’ll admit it. Oh, Ada, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”
“Sure, what?”
“I was wondering if my adorable sister would let me borrow the convertible.”
Ada laughed. “Why not? I’ll make sure David…”
“No, no,” Julian interrupted hastily. “There’s no need for that. I’ll just zip out, zip back in. David, um… doesn’t need to be bothered.”
Ada frowned. “You mean you already asked David and he said no.”
Julian said nothing and she went on, “You know, it is really not ours. We hardly ever drive it. If something happens…”
“Now don’t you worry, Ada. I’m a good driver, and…”
“I’m not going to say yes, Julian.”
“I promise you, if anything were to happen, I’d pay for it.”
“With your starving writer royalties?” Ada laughed.
“No, out of my big shot editor salary. The job I’m going to have after dinner tonight—provided I can get there in something that looks nicer than my clunky beast.”
Ada hesitated. “David said no, didn’t he?” she asked.
“Come on Ada, would I—would I ask you for the convertible after David told me he didn’t want me taking it?”
“I think you would,” Ada retorted. Her eyes idly followed the bit of ribbon she was twisting between her fingers.
“Ada, you’re so sweet, and I know you want me to look my best…” Julian smiled winningly.
“I might be willing to help you if…” The words tumbled out impulsively.
“Yes,” Julian agreed eagerly. “Say no more. Help me out, and you can count on me for anything short of bank robbery.”
“You don’t know what you’re promising,” Ada grinned.
“No I don’t, but I know what I’m getting.”
She became suddenly serious. “If David really told you not to take the…”
“No, no,” Julian interrupted quickly. “He did not. He did not tell me—whatever you were about to say, depending of course on what you were about to say. Seriously Ada, it’ll be fine with him and really he will never know anyways. The dinner ends at nine and he’s on second shift this week so… I mean, the real reason I asked you… I mean, there just isn’t any point bothering David about it. We have ourselves a deal?”
“I… well… You really don’t need to know ahead of time what I’m asking?”
Julian shrugged. “Nope, girl, so long as it’s not illegal…” He stared at her. “It’s not illegal, is it?”
“I’m not quite sure, I think… maybe technically…”
“Ada, are you in trouble?”
“A little,” she grinned roguishly.
“You know what,” he said, “the dinner’s in two hours. I’ll go make sure I get that job. Tomorrow I’ll take you out for lunch and you can hit me with it after that. If we need to cross that bank robbery line… we’ll cross it when we get there. Now, I’m off for tickle wars before I have anything more on my conscience.”
“It’s not… it’s not illegal like THAT,” Ada called after him. She threw out her unraveled ribbon, biting her lip. Julian would normally not have been her first choice of confidant. But David… no, there was no telling David. Not after this many years.
—
“You’re looking great today,” Julian said as he held the restaurant door open for Ada. “This—um—bank robbery or whatever doesn’t seem to be weighing heavily.”
Ada tried hard not to glance expressively at the waiter.
“Table for two,” Julian grinned.
“This is a pretty nice place,” she remarked as she took her seat and asked for a water. “I take it you got the job?”
“Sure did. It was a cinch with that car.”
She laughed. “Are you really telling me the car made a difference?”
“Of course it did. These kind of things don’t go by logic, Ada. And now—” he flung out a napkin “—I’m ready to pay the piper. What is it you want me to do?”
“Julian… there’s something I’ve never told anybody.”
“There’s something you haven’t told David?” he asked incredulously.
“Especially not David,” she said, with a little gasp.
“All right, shoot. What has my hitherto perfect little sister gotten into?”
Ada folded her hands together desperately. “Julian, I only have five children.”
“That—a—eh—well,” Julian drew a terrific breath. “I’ve never actually counted them. But I could swear there were six.” He stared into the distance. “Ah—five. Six. I am—so confused right now. Please do go on.”
Ada laughed a bit hysterically. “There are really six children, of course. That’s not what I meant! No but… Janet—is adopted.”
“Oh! Wow. Wow. Janet?! Here I always thought she took after me. Well. Wonders will never cease. Wait a second,” he cried. “You said this was something David didn’t know?!”
“Yes. I never told David.”
Julian looked thunderstruck. “I mean, I never thought David was the sharpest stick, but how did you get away with just not telling him that you weren’t pregnant for nine months?”
Ada laughed again, this time with genuinely uncontrollable humor.
Light dawned on Julian. “Oh right, she’s a twin. I mean I guess she’s not actually a twin. I’m still confused as to how you pulled that off, but it’s no longer miraculous. But still very impressive. Remarkably impressive.”
“No, really, it was awfully easy,” Ada said. “David was in Cambodia half of that year, remember?”
“I remember, of course. And how the twins were born earlier than expected and he didn’t make it back until…” Julian took a deep breath and straightened his tie. “Well,” he said. “You didn’t share this—er—unprecedented skeleton in your closet just for the… I say Ada, where did you get Janet?”
“Yes, that’s where the complications come in,” she said meditatively.
“At this point,” Julian said resignedly, “I’d believe you if you said she was my daughter.”
Ada looked at him sharply. “You don’t have a daughter do you?”
“No. No, I do not. That would be a genuine miracle. No, she is not mine, and though the stars fall, and you keep secrets from David (which is pretty much the same thing), I am fairly confident of that.”
“Well, she’s… but first you have to promise you’ll never breathe a word.”
Julian hedged his promise, but Ada didn’t notice. “I won’t tell anyone whose daughter she is,” he agreed, after a moment’s thought.
“She’s Allie Taylor’s daughter.”
Julian’s jaw dropped. “You mean… Governor Taylor’s daughter… Janet?!”
“No… not Governor Taylor’s daughter… his wife’s daughter.”
He whistled. “Can you prove it?”
“No, I think it would take a DNA test to prove it. I have her birth certificate as Janet Malone.”
“How… how… I need an explanation sis, quickly before I faint.”
“It’s not something that has a quick explanation,” Ada smiled wryly. “To begin with, it would have been about a month after David left that my midwife Tricia told me I was farther along than we’d realized before. So there I was worried about what to tell David, if I should ask him to cut short the trip, but Tricia was almost bouncing off the wall with joy. I asked if the other due date had interfered with her holiday plans or something. And then she went off into this story of how the Taylors wanted to hush up their… mess, and were desperate not to leave a paper trail. We were expecting at the same time, and Tricia suggested I announce that I’m having twins. She’d take care of bringing me Janet, hand me two birth certificates, and that would be the end of it.”
“More like the beginning of it,” Julian interrupted.
“If you mean the nightmare that is raising Janet…” Ada began.
“Hey, I like Janet.”
“Oh, she’s loveable enough. But if I’ve said to myself once I’ve said a hundred times, I’m glad I can be sure she didn’t get THAT—whatever unexpected nonsense she’s up to—from ME,” Ada laughed.
Julian shook his head, grinning. “So,” he said. “You agreed, of course, being the sweetheart that you are. But David’s a softy too. Why didn’t you get him on board?”
“David and I had already discussed adoption, and—David just thought it would be better to raise our own family first.”
Julian instigated a commotion in his glass before observing, “Because, of course, he realized that you would put together a snowball between you two, and be running an orphanage a few months later. So he put his foot down.”
“That was more or less what he said,” Ada agreed.
“Yes,” Julian began, snapping his fingers energetically. “Yes, I have this figured out. David said, ‘I know, my sweetest love,’ (or whatever he calls you when he won’t give you what you want, which can’t be often), ‘but here’s the thing. If we adopt one child who really needs a home we’ll soon find another one who also really needs us, and before you know it we’ll have adopted the whole city. My darling, we already have two children and they need our care. What do you say we adopt later—maybe once we’ve spoiled our own kids and know what we’re doing?’ —And then Janet came along. You said to yourself, ‘It really will be just one, especially if I don’t tell David. He’d be fine with it if he really, really understood. I’ll do it.’ So you did it. And you saved Janet from quite a life. And I’m proud of you, sis, and there’s only one thing I don’t understand, which is why on earth you’re telling me, now.”
“Because—Governor Taylor has… changed his mind.”
“He knew about this all along, by the way?”
“If I understood rightly.”
“Well, I’m not surprised he didn’t want the kid, but…” Julian fingered his napkin meditatively. “You don’t know who her father is, I take it.”
“No, I don’t. You scared me half to death when you said ‘your daughter!’”
“I wish she were. So anyways, I take it the Governor, or his wife, finally realized that they have a lot of money and nothing to do with it.”
“That’s about the size of it,” Ada said. “I wish they would endow a hospital.”
Julian laughed. “Yes, it must be very annoying for you.”
“I’d have Tricia tell them to… to…”
“To scram,” suggested Julian.
“To scram,” Ada acknowledged, “but… but for one thing I tried that and they insisted. And it’s not just money, they want to meet her too. Then I also thought—after all, is it fair to Janet to turn down… money’s not worth much, but, well, it can buy ice cream.”
“And ice cream is priceless,” Julian winked. “Yes, I see your dilemma. It’s like you to make a dilemma out of taking money. But I don’t see yet where I come in?”
“So… Julian… you know you look a lot like David.”
Julian scoffed. “Not a bit of it. Thank goodness, he grew a beard. And besides—” he flexed a muscle complacently.
“Well, it doesn’t matter,” Ada said. “They don’t know what David looks like anyways, or even what his name is.”
“Oh!” Julian gasped.
“We’ll take Janet out one day, we’ll introduce her to friends of yours. They’re okay with her not being told, they just want to meet her—and they can give you whatever they like, and you can buy her ice cream. Or—you know. Just you handle the money. You’ve got a good job now, and you always liked Janet best—it won’t even seem odd.”
Julian nodded his head in admiration. “What a clever little scheme,” he said. “What can I say? And you’ve laid it out so neatly, and it’s not remotely like bank robbery. I consider I borrowed the convertible at a very cheap rate. Well, Ada—well.” He laid his chin on his hand thoughtfully. “Yes, you can count on me,” he said. “You can count on me.”
“Thanks Julian,” she said gratefully.
—
A few weeks later Julian cast a nervous backwards glance into the mirror as he fidgeted with his collar with sweaty fingers. “I wonder how much time I usually spend staring at this thing,” he muttered audibly. He twitched at his shirt with clumsy hands, creating more wrinkles than he smoothed. “There! That will have to do. If she would only hurry up! I’ll not be half so nervous once we’re on our way.”
He paced the hall back and forth, making occasional derogatory comments on the wall decor. When the doorbell finally rang, he jumped.
“Hey girl!” he exclaimed, throwing it open. “How’s—um—how’s my favorite sister?”
Ada grinned. “As good as can be expected,” she said a bit wryly, while Janet tumbled over an excited hello and had her hands in his pocket the next instant, coming out severely disappointed.
“Uncle Julian!” she shouted boisterously, “you don’t have a single candy! Not one!” And she actually shook him.
“See,” Ada mouthed. “Not my daughter.”
Julian choked. “I’m… I’m so sorry,” he said, in little jerks. “How about we get some ice cream on the way home?”
Janet huffed and crossed her arms. She marched back to the car.
“Janet baby,” Ada said once she was driving, “just don’t forget that you’re not going to call Julian Uncle Julian any more.”
“Yes, because I’m a big girl,” Janet said delightedly. “I’m gonna say Julian to you from today on!”
“Julian, hmm.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Why doesn’t she say David? Or—dad?”
Ada stared him down. “There are limits to my dishonesty!” she exclaimed. She turned her attention back to the road, but added, “To be honest Julian… I… I really wish… I’m really scared Janet’ll forget.”
Julian looked at her curiously for a second, then he shrugged. “I’ll make sure she doesn’t forget,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.
Janet was still repeating, “Julian!” with a terrific emphasis on the first syllable, when Julian exploded in a gruff voice, “How dare you call me by my first name, baby!”
“I do dare, so there!” Janet exclaimed, after a moment of startled silence.
“Do you want to annoy your uncle who gives you candy?” he blustered.
“You didn’t give me any candy today!”
Ada laughed. “She got you there!”
Julian huffed. “Well then I guess you can call me Julian. TODAY.”
“Julian!” Janet screamed again.
“Well, I think they won’t regret not having kept her,” Ada observed in a low tone, and Julian choked again.
They pulled up at the governor’s mansion in due time and Ada handed her keys to the valet. She looked up at the stately pile in awe; it was twice the size of her father’s villa.
Julian looked at it too, and his eyes widened. So this was what he had gotten himself into.
He glanced at Ada and saw her smooth the edge of her shirt, a sure sign of nervousness. “You handled that like a pro, sweetheart,” he whispered encouragingly as they paced down the hall. Then he could have bitten his tongue out for that last word, but Ada was too tense to notice the slip.
They were ushered into a magnificent room (“Would you call this a drawing room?” Ada whispered; “I don’t know, you’re the one who grew up in a mansion,” he said, and bit his tongue again.) which quelled even Janet, who sat down very primly and only curled her nose and whispered “Julian!” once.
The Taylors did not keep them waiting, but came in briskly, bringing a heavy mist of awkwardness along with them.
“Mr. and Mrs. Malone?” the Governor said. He shook hands, very cordially, trying to express the undefined feelings he couldn’t put into words.
“It’s a pleasure,” Ada said softly. She recovered instantly from her own nervousness on touching Mrs. Taylor’s hands, which trembled uncontrollably.
“And you must be Janet,” Mr. Taylor said, turning to the girl with relief. “How old are you?”
Janet found her tongue pretty quickly. “I’m a big girl,” she said reprovingly. “Would you ask a big girl her age?”
Mr. Taylor thought himself justly punished for asking a question he already knew the answer to anyways.
“Well,” he said, “I have the golf carts out on the lawn. I thought a bit of fresh air might do us all good and Janet would enjoy a ride.” He smiled at her. “What do you say?”
“I don’t want to ride,” Janet said decidedly. “I want to drive!”
Everyone laughed and he was startled to find when they reached the lawn that Janet actually expected to drive.
“I know what a clutch is,” she said proudly. “Do you know what a clutch is?”
Mr. Taylor fielded the question tentatively, since it seemed to be directed to him. “Um—I think a clutch…”
“It disconnects the rotating shafts,” Janet said. “Daddy teaches me about cars and stuff. May I take you for a ride, Governor?” she asked, with a magnificent bow.
“I…” Mr. Taylor gave Julian a nervous glance.
He grinned proudly. “She’s a very good driver.”
“Of course,” the Governor gasped, and turned to his wife. “We’re in this together, remember,” he whispered.
Ada glanced at Julian, her eyes dancing with amusement. He grinned back and nodded at one of the other golf carts. “Take the wheel, honey?”
Ada stared at him. “Don’t you think you’re overdoing it?”
He wondered what he’d just said.
“Woo!” Janet screamed. “Let’s go.”
“Hang tight,” Ada said. “If we let them get out of sight on these paths we’re liable to get lost and never find our way out.” She flipped the key over and they rumbled down the lane in Janet’s wake.
Then it all happened so fast. Ada had a confused impression of leaves in the air, and of David shouting, “Dear!” She realized it was “Deer!” just a second too late. Someone screamed, it might have been her, but she was really thinking about homonyms, deadly things, and David and his beard… what had happened to his beard?
Metal shrieked and bones crunched, blood spurted as if from a meat grinder, Ada flew through the air and plowed into the turf.
“Mom! Mom!”
The words came from a million miles away. David staggered to his feet. Janet caught her breath over Ada, who was covered in blood and guts. She wailed, running.
“Daddy, daddy!” Janet clung to him, crying.
“Shh, baby, shh.” He struggled to stand, holding her, gritting his teeth against the pain as he limped.
“Daddy! She… she…” Janet choked.
Mr. Taylor looked up. “She’s not breathing,” he whispered.
Mrs. Taylor leaned against the golf cart, near fainting.
David took Janet firmly by both shoulders. “Janet. Janet, baby. Look at me. I need to see mommy. Stand there. Look at me.”
She trembled, but stood still. “It’s the deer’s blood, daddy,” she said.
“I know,” he said. His heart beat thickly and he hung over her for a terrible moment. “God, God, just let me tell her…”
Ada caught her breath with a hoarse gasp.
—
“Were you very mad?” Ada whispered.
“You’d better ask Julian about that,” David grinned.
“What should mommy ask Uncle Julian?” Janet asked. “If I can really call him just Julian?”
“No, we’re done with that,” Ada said definitely.
“Aw, it was fun,” Janet said. “Did you see me? I went airborne on a bump! Daddy, why did you pretend to be Uncle Julian?”
“That’s a long story…” David smiled. He looked over at Ada. “We’ll tell you someday, won’t we?”
She nodded. “Julian’s a brick,” Ada said.
“Hey, what about me?” David asked.
“I love you,” she smiled.
If you enjoyed this series, you might also have fun reading some of my other stories:
- Lampstands: A Short Story
- Wayland Terraformers, INC: Rogue Planet
- Wayland Terraformers, INC: A Little Bit of Everything
- A Ghost, a Graveyard, and a Girlfriend – Part 1
- A Ghost, a Graveyard, and a Girlfriend – Part 2
- An Adventure of the Olden Days
Love what I write? Buy me a lemonade, it’ll keep me going: paypal.me/genevadurand/3
Geneva D 
What do you think?